In the meantime, I am really struggling. I feel like this is an unbeatable boss. You know the one? Where if you don't save right and don't have enough health or life saved up, you lose the game. I am drowning in paperwork and government requests to continue to prove that I am sick.
My personality is very Type A. I dislike asking for help. My entire life, I did everything on time and on my own, even if it made things more difficult. This whole experience feels like it has been slowly stealing my identity. When I don't have wins, when I don't feel like my actions are useful or obviously leading to progress, I want to hide in a cave. The catch: I don't feel well in or out of the cave. How do I find a healthy balance? Can I have a healthy balance when I am so sick? Can I have healthy friendships and relationships when I don't have the energy to go to them?
In the meantime, bills are due. $800 for the ER trip a week or so ago. And that's after insurance covers 90% of it.
So to beat this game I must accomplish the following:
- Continue paying on unpaid medical debt payment plans.
- Provide all the necessary information to the home health agency - basically I have to make the packet for the doctor to sign
- Get local doctor to sign off on my needs for the home health agency. My case manager is taking me to the office this week with the packet and we will just sit and wait for a signature.
- Obtain money to cover trip to LLMD and PICC placement while still paying old doctor/hospital bills.
- Outline my medical history
- Make 2 copies of medical history. One for my case manager and one to be dropped off with the nursing agency.
- Figure out if my body will be able to handle treatment and a few hours of work to chip away at the bills. (I spoke to SSDI and they gave me the parameters of work trial.)
The most immediate financial concerns are the PICC line placement and trip to LLMD (~$400-$500), the most recent hospital trip (minimum $721.40), and previous medical expenses ($8,327). Keep in mind that none of this includes future expenses or current medication costs.
I know it must seem like all I do is discuss money. It does occupy a large part of my thoughts. The reality is that without money to get better, I won't be well enough to work to pay for getting better. It is such a frustrating wheel to be stuck on. I know that if some of this stress were lifted, my healing would be much faster and easier.
Having Lyme means drowning in debt. I have seen so many people with this disease struggle so much to stay afloat. I don't feel like I can even see the waters surface. Unfortunately I cannot just take this matter into my own hands and fix it. It is so against my character to not just jump in and fix it. Ugh. So frustrating.
Once again, my brain is fairly fuzzy at the moment, so please forgive poor grammar and structure.