Monday, April 22, 2013

Neuro Lyme Hell

I can't even begin to describe the hell of the last few days to you all. What I wrote on Wednesday should have tipped me off that my neuro was going way south. Well, for next time. I am so desperate for treatment to start and detox to continue. I recently awoke from an evening nap. I think it was induced by seizure tremor meds and just the sheer amount of pain I was trying to deal with. I hate losing a weekday. It means losing opportunities to call the people to fight for my aid. I am trying to remember today. It is a huge painful messy haze. Somewhere around 2 am, I think, I realized that for whatever reason, I must be too toxic. I am, but that's beside the point right now. The point now is that I crawled into the bathroom to set up a detox bath complete with shoving the shower chair on to the floor and dropping the measuring cups repeatedly. My roommate came in at some point around 5 inches of water in the tub. (Like my time measurement skills?) He miraculously got me out of the tub and back to bed. I think somewhere around 8 I woke up terrified. (Note that Mondays are his days off and he is in no way a slacker.) I found him next to me ready to field the symptoms. I think he had fallen asleep trying to calm me down after my detox attempt. Upon waking him, he returned to his room and my... you pick the word: fears, anxieties, hallucinations, continued to scare the crap out of me. I was screaming in terror. Somehow he got me into his room and got me back to sleep (read, he would rather help me sleep on a bed he is most comfortable on). All in all, I am not sure how much sleep either of us actually got last night. (If you know Sam, give him a hug. He really really is a wonderful human being and deserves some recognition. And a break so if you want to let him have a night off, come over and Netflix with me or something. I promise not all days are like the one I just had.)

The rest of my day was spend crying in pain, trying to crawl to food, meds, and God knows what. I often get only a few feet before I completely shut down in pain and my tremors begin. I hit my head several times today and am still fighting a headache. If Sam is home, he holds my head to keep me from concussing. Once the tremors end, he dead-lifts me back to my bed. (I mean, really, the man deserves a gold medal.) There is evidence of tremors in my evening nap in the form of sore arms, like I did curling exercises, and a neck that feels like I was in a mild car crash. Most of my day can not be remembered, only pieced together by new bruises and muscle pain. 

And with that I can feel my mind melting again. I need to go to bed. With any hope, tomorrow I will be slightly functional and suffer less pain. Thanks so much to all those who have been spreading the word and helping with the fundraising. I wish I could express just how much it means to me that you all are helping me fight for my life. Good night, All!

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